SL_GenerateOpeners.PDF

generate openers

Generate Openers

By Don Diego Garcia and Cosmo

Have you experienced this scenario before? ...

Your Buddy: "Hey! Why don't you go talk to that cute girl over there?"

You:

"She IS cute, isn't she!? But gosh, I, I just don't know what to say.

I don't want to say the wrong thing and look like an idiot!"

Your Buddy: "Just say anything. Go. Now! Look! She's getting up and packing her stuff..."

You:

"Yeah... naw... I don't know. Well, she's walking away now. It's too late. Whatever.

I'm such a loser."

There may be hundreds of open debates for methods of creating and developing happy, successful

relationships, but this truism is rule number one:

"You can't win, if you don't play."

That is the bottom line of bottom lines. Even the Lottery picked up that tagline. If you stay in your

invisible box, you will never form a new relationship. That's for sure. If you go to work, or to school, don't

talk to anyone, then go home to eat and sleep, and just repeat this same cycle all over again, day after

day, you will be sure to get stuck in a lonely rut that is difficult to climb out of.

Instead, you will have to talk to people in a friendly way to establish and build new relationships. First,

just start by talking to people you know, like friends and family, for practice. Then, sooner or later, you

are going to have to "make the big jump" and do the unthinkable: Talk to a stranger or group of

strangers. That's called "Approaching and Opening", also known as a "Cold Approach".

Introducing The "Opener"

The dictionary defines an "opener" as the first event in a series, as in an "opening act" for a play, or an

"opening joke" for a stand-up comedian. In terms of starting a new relationship, an opener is generally

the first thing you say to your new partner. An ideal opener achieves three goals for you:

1. It opens-up the person or group for having a conversation in a non-threatening way.

2. It stirs up curiosity and captures the person's or group's imagination.

3. It serves as a springboard for additional, follow-on conversational threads.

DonDiegoGarcia@stylelife.com http://www.stylelife.com/phase2xl/about/coaches/?id=2

By reading this publication you agree that it is an entertaining opinion and not professional advice,

and you are responsible for any use of this publication,

and you hold STYLELIFE and all its associates harmless in any event.

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generate openers

Since many openers do not cover all three objectives, you may want to memorize and use multiple

openers so that you are able to lead with one after another if needed. Some people call this method

"Stacking Openers".

Introducing Sample Openers

You probably would like to get right to the good stuff, and save the theory for later, right? OK, here is a

sampling of openers I can remember using recently that yielded positive results:

9 "Ni shi zhong guo ren?" (Which means, "Are you Chinese?" , spoken in the Mandarin Chinese

Language. This was said as she was walking into a library.)

9 "Ex-Squeeze me. Do you know where Caffe Strada is?" (Caffe Strada just "happened to be" in

the direction we were both walking. I said this on a college campus between classes.)

9 "Marunong ka ba mag-Tagalog?" (Which means, "Do you speak Tagalog." spoken in Tagalog,

language of the Filipino people. This was said in a retail store as she was returning from the

break room.)

9 "Gosh! I'm so thirsty from dancing! May I have a sip of your drink?" (I said this in a night club.)

9 "Hablas Español?" (Which means, "Do you speak Spanish?" Spoken In the Spanish language.

This was said to a cashier who was scanning my groceries.)

9 "Nice boots, I'll bet they have a quite a story behind them." (I said this on a busy downtown

sidewalk.)

9 "Oh, my God! You are SO incredibly cute!" (This was said to a waitress while picking up an

order.)

9 "Hey! I was reading in Cosmo that drinking eight glasses of water per day really isn't as

important as we've been lead to believe, do you think that's true?" (I said this in a bar.)

I live in a multi-cultural area near San Francisco, where beautiful people from every corner of the world

come to live, so I have plenty of opportunities to use the foreign language openers mentioned.

Generate Direct and Indirect Openers

"Going Direct" means directly expressing your romantic interest or sexual intent immediately and

explicitly.

"Going Indirect" means temporarily putting your personal relationship interests aside, and using a more

platonic, friendly approach.

Of my sample openers above, all but the "cute" one would be considered indirect.

DonDiegoGarcia@stylelife.com http://www.stylelife.com/phase2xl/about/coaches/?id=2

By reading this publication you agree that it is an entertaining opinion and not professional advice,

and you are responsible for any use of this publication,

and you hold STYLELIFE and all its associates harmless in any event.

Page 2 of 12

generate openers

On the issue of direct versus indirect, there are several levels of communication that can each separately

either be direct or indirect:

Level 1 : The words that are said.

Level 2 : The vocal intonation used.

Level 3 : The type of eye contact, facial expression, gestures, and body language used.

Level 4 : The attitude you are feeling, and the energy you are projecting.

If you want, you can mix up direct and indirect styles on different levels. For example, I could use some

words that are totally indirect and say them with either a direct or indirect vocal tonality:

Example 1 : "Hey, we are so hot and stuffy in here, you wanna get some fresh air?" (Said in a

friendly, innocent, matter-of-fact tone.)

Example 2 : "Hey, we are so hot and stuffy in here, you wanna get some fresh air?" (Said in a

sexy, sultry, lustful tone.)

Remember that we are just talking about your opening statements or questions here, you are free to

change the tone of the conversation from indirect to direct and vice-versa at any time that is appropriate

later in the conversation.

Generate Situational and Internal Openers

"Situational Openers" simply refer to observing something in the current environment and creating a

conversational comment or asking about it.

"Internal Openers" are derived from the process of sharing something about your internal state of mind

and getting feedback on it. For example, my "Gosh, I'm thirsty..." opener above.

The situational environment can provide a plethora of conversational topics to open a discussion:

9 Who is around - Other people in the vicinity or in the news.

(For example, when a limousine drives up...)

"I TOLD my driver to stop harassing me! Could you PLEASE tell him to move along before

somebody recognizes me?!"

9 What she is wearing - Her clothing, accessories, and what she is holding.

(For example, if she is holding a Statistics text book...)

"You know, I took that statistics class before. Is your teacher Mrs. Gosalvez?"

9 When - Events that just occurred or are about to occur.

(For example, at a bus stop...)

"Excuse me, would you happen to know when the next bus is coming?"

DonDiegoGarcia@stylelife.com http://www.stylelife.com/phase2xl/about/coaches/?id=2

By reading this publication you agree that it is an entertaining opinion and not professional advice,

and you are responsible for any use of this publication,

and you hold STYLELIFE and all its associates harmless in any event.

Page 3 of 12

generate openers

9 Where you are - The place where you are together.

(For example, during intermission at the Symphony...)

"Isn't this the most gorgeous foyer!?"

9 Why you are there - Do you two have a common purpose?

(For example, in line while registering for classes...)

"Hey, did you hear you can register on-line now?"

9 How things are being done - Is the service good or poor?

(For example, in a long line at the grocery store...)

"Don't they have a three's-a-crowd policy here?"

As an alternative to commenting or asking about something in the situational environment, you can talk

about your internal state and get some feedback. For example:

9 "Did you ever get a song in your head, and you just CAN'T get it out?"

9 "I'm so excited; I just got a new client! What should I do to celebrate?"

9 "I just got this new ring as a gift. What do you think?"

Make sure the comment is positive, uplifting, and funny, if possible. Stay away from negative topics:

8 "I have a MASSIVE headache, what kind of medicine would you recommend?"

This opener is better than nothing, but you are not putting your best foot forward, as you might remind

her about the last time she had a headache which could trigger all kinds of negative internal responses.

It's safer just to not go there.

Generate Routine and Flow Openers

A simple search on www.google.com for "seduction openers" or "conversational openers" or even "pickup

lines" (with or without the quotes) will yield thousands upon thousands of results. Go ahead and read

some, and memorize a few that you like. This could be your new "opening routine". A routine is simply

any material that is memorized, rehearsed, or possibly re-used. It could be a word, phrase, sentence,

paragraph, multi-player game, or shared imaginary adventure.

Generate Magazine Openers

Also called "Opinion Openers", these are queries about an open-ended issue that is sure to spark a lively

discussion. Almost anything relating to relationships, or fashion are good themes to open with. Anything

you would find in a woman's magazine is fodder for a fun, interesting and entertaining conversation.

DonDiegoGarcia@stylelife.com http://www.stylelife.com/phase2xl/about/coaches/?id=2

By reading this publication you agree that it is an entertaining opinion and not professional advice,

and you are responsible for any use of this publication,

and you hold STYLELIFE and all its associates harmless in any event.

Page 4 of 12

generate openers

For example, scanning the cover of a popular woman's magazine in front of me now, I see themes on:

9 Advice

9 Makeup Styles

9 Relationships

9 Celebrities

9 Attitude

9 Clothing Styles

9 Sex

Notice how themes like religion and politics are not on the cover. These types of topics are not best for

openers because people can have passionate, polarized views, which may be too heavy for an initial

conversation. Think light and fluffy. Here are some women's magazine opinion openers I formulated while

reading an advice column in said magazine:

9 "I was reading a magazine yesterday, and it said that it's always better to break up with a guy

in person. But I figure, if you met on-line, then you can dump him on-line, what do you think?"

9 "I read an article that said what time of day you eat doesn't relate to gaining weight, but I

thought all those midnight snacks go straight to my thighs, what have you heard?"

9 "I heard that in a new relationship you should wait for the other person to say "I love you."

first, rather than saying it yourself, but then I remembered a funny story when one time I

blurted it out at the stupidest moment. What do you think?"

Generate Ethnic Openers

You may have noticed my foreign language openers in the samples above. During our lifetime, we move

an average of eleven times all over this global community of ours, so sharing varied languages and

cultures can be a fun and refreshing way to start a new relationship. It also offers instant rapport, as your

partner feels a little bit more at home, even though they may be thousands of miles from the place they

were born and raised.

Generate Silent Openers

While rare, creative variations of "Silent Openers" are worth a mention. Approach your partner silently,

and then allow them to be the first one to speak. Silent openers are best left for advanced social artists

because it requires that you to think fast on your feet. If you want to, feel free to try one and see what

happens.

There is no "best" opener that works every time. Only through active and courageous experimentation will

you discover which style you like best in any given situation.

DonDiegoGarcia@stylelife.com http://www.stylelife.com/phase2xl/about/coaches/?id=2

By reading this publication you agree that it is an entertaining opinion and not professional advice,

and you are responsible for any use of this publication,

and you hold STYLELIFE and all its associates harmless in any event.

Page 5 of 12

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