LEGEND:
~ means it contains some personal notes or conclusions made by me, you can replaces them with your own conclusions
xxx means that this is an active part of this workbook, you replace those XXX with answers of your own
"Quotes" means it’s a transcribtion directly from the audio
[5] is a rating of how usefull I've found the particular audio segment to ME, replace this with your own rating for further referencing, re-listening to the system
{5} is a rating of how usefull I've found the particular reading segment to ME, replace this with your own rating for further referencing, re-listening to the system
nonquote regular, non-quoted text is ussually a summary of the points made in the particular audio segment
[VIDEO demo] ---à means it actually makes a difference whether you're watching this section on video, or just listening for audio, for everything else you can just assume that listening on audio is just as good as video
0:20 [0] What we mean by opening
Opening Defined
• Attraction Phase - the introduction of yourself as a character
• Starting up a conversation with a stranger or group of strangers
• You feel that, barring outside factors, you can talk to them as long as you have things to talk about
• Ideally, you appear to be a member of the group
"People who get good with women, make it easy… Ever noticed someone who's good with women that seems to be struggling?" ~Lance further explains why there seems to be so much skepticism that it can be taught… simply because when you're so good at it, it seems so effortless, and so natural, that it seems inborn… because it looks easy… ~
1:50 [0] The importance of opening, as being the importance of being comfortable around people
A huge part of making it easy is the opening, if you make a good opening, 90% of your work is done.
We teach A LOT of techiques for what to do, but they're really crutches "the techniques are just EXCERCISES"… coz once you get comfortable around people, none of that matters, you no longer needs techniques, people just sense it, and boom it happens FAST, it can take just 3 secons
2:34 [1] {2}Guys being tolerated
A lot of guys will open groups, but they aren't liked or accepted, they're just tolerated…
Ўе Why do Groups Open?
• They are attracted to you
• They enjoy talking to you
• They are bored and indifferent
• They haven’t been able to get you to go away (this is why it can be hard to open groups in the first place)
"[they are attracted to you] If pamela anderson came up to you and said something stupid, would you care? You wouldn't even hear it. There's a lot of truth in that […] what she says is irrelevant, you start thinking about WHY is she talking to you… it might be in the way she look at you, the way she 's touching you…"
[they enjoy talking to you] some of these can conver to attraction, but a lot of them can just be "oh, he's so cool to talk to you", but it's really LJBF land…
[they are bored and indifferent] it's possible to convert these, but even once you do, things go much much slower… as opposed to when you open succesfully (the feeling of "oh these guys are into me"), but the faster you get to that feeling, the
[they haven't been able to get you to go away] a lot of girls aren't good at getting you to leave, some of them are really good at getting guys to leave (the ones with a lot of going-out experience), but most girls aren't
What should you? It's good for building a skill-set, and getting you more comfortable around women… so it's not neccesarilly bad to go thru that phase (where people are just tolerating you), but you just wanna be aware of that, the signs that you are just being tolerated.
7:46 [2] {2} Being able to talk to women for longer periods of time, does not mean that you are building attraction
"It's like guys will say, "oh yeah I'm really good at the attraction phase, but I can't seem to really get a phone-number…"" --- DOH!
Talking to a girl for 30 minutes, without being able to get a phone number, means you're being tolerated…
9:00 [2] {2} You can't notice and self-perceive… you need to ask your friends
9:22 [2] {2} The signs are…
Women will smile, nod, and look away… and smile, nod and turn their body away…
Stages of Opening
• Commit and Approach
10:00 [2] {2} The importance of commiting to the approach
The story of the student… with which lance could notice if a guy could open a set, from the very first 2 steps he takes…
13:28 [2] {6} About forcing and persistance in forcing sets to open
The more guys are willing to push and push and persist till the end until the set opens… the less and less they need to do it… in other words… what lances has noticed, that it's NOT about the actuall persistance, but about the actual COMMITMENT to open, obviously it has to do with the fact that you emit that energy (I'm going to open this set, no matter what), and the more commited and willing you get to do that, the more sets open without you actually having to do it! If you have that energy women will be like "oh ok, show us what you got" ~I think that this ties in with what Wygant speaks of os not being wishy-washy, knowing what you want, and having a strong intent when going in… not being wishy-washy about why you're approaching and what you want ~
- Have your own approaching ritual… like:
- --- imagine succes…
- --- imagine breaking thru
- --- maybe start from a standstill and move in
- The point is you ussually know whether you will succeed, before you go in… it's a lot better coach then I will be ~ Does this mean you need to listen to it when it's saying you won't open and not try to open? I don't think so J~
• Get each individual's attention
13:28 [2] {3} Get each individual's attention
- If you don't get their attention, that will be a sign for them to ignore you… so we make sure to teach you how to get attention before we give you any opener.
• Use your opening line
• Become the dominant or most interesting member of the conversation
- You either want to be the most-dominant person in the group,
- or the most interesting
- It's very individual, for example some of the PU101 instructors are on the playfull group, and some of them are more assuming of a dominant role
18:06 [2] {3} The commited approach
The Committed Approach
• Your commitment level is consistent through the entire process
• I can often tell if a student will fail or succeed by the way he begins the approach
• Committed doesn't mean "Fast," it means with a sense of purpose and a clear expectation of success
"If you can be commited and be ridicolously slow, that infinitely better […] fast kinda conveys you wanna get it over with, it kinda conveys anxiety […] try and slow everything down…"
"and try to get more of a sense of purpose… that's what I really mean by commitment"
• When guys hesitate their chances of opening go down dramatically
• If something happens and you lose the expectation of success, abort the approach and try later
- Any hesitation will kill your approach… if you start approaching and you kinda stop… then try to approach again… that's just gonna totally kill it… just go back, abort the approach… I'm not saying it will never ever work, I'm just saying don't ever do it. It really makes a huge difference.
20:10 [2] {3} What happens when you hesitate on approaching…
- Gives an example of how when guys in demonstrations play the girls, and when another guy is supposed to play the hesitating guy… you actually tend to feel it, it's like you have a lurking object standing behind your back… it tends to creep you out
- And this is actually how you tend to develop a creepy vibe, and why you tend to throw off women on such an approach
- The worst part is that YOU get that "sinking feeling of impending failure"
- That's why lance recommends you just abort those approaches "I tend to think it's better to declare them warm-up sets, or "working the room" sets or building-the-skills-sets, than not approach at all"
- EVEN if you suceed, you're gonna anchor that negativity to your fear of approaching, and I don't want you guys to do that
- He actually recommends collecting yourself, and approaching them later (so it's not a total abort)… hmmm… ~ I guess opening another warm-up set, and then approach them later~
** 22:38 à [2] {6} About naturals being really really boring
Guys who are really really good… they open really bland, and not-interesting, or just go and say hi… It's actually that they have the commitment…
23:24 [2] {3} The opening sets the tone of things to come, of the whole interaction
- In order for a set to involve you into the conversation, they have to assign you a role, to make a lot of assumptions about you (how much you go out, are you social, what's your success with women, are you cool… etc… etc…) ~ Ties in a lot with what Riker and Major Mark teach… people (and women especially) are always assigning roles… if you go in with the role of teacher, they will respond with the counter-role of student… if you go in with the role set as cool guy, they accept you as the cool guy of the group… creepy guy… is the creepy guy… So basically humans are impressions-creating machines, they are always making assumptions, whether you like it or not… they can not NOT make assumptions and impressions about you, so it's important to learn to control and influence the way these impressions are created~
The "Opening" Sets the Tone for Things to Come
• At this point they are looking for things to CONFIRM their impression of you, changing that impression is difficult
- After they have made their impression, they are only looking for ways to prove themselves right… if you first impression was a boring guy who's negative… from that point on they will tend to filter out so that they only see what confirms this assesment… if you make a first impression of say being boring… no matter how exciting you are, they will almost literally block it out…
• A "Bad Impression" gets better VERY slowly, if at all
- It's amazing how slow a process it is to change a first impression
• That's why opening perfectly is very important
- That's why the opener is really important
- As lance went thru different levels of success and ran into different problems… what he noticed is that all of it went back to the way he opened
• Common saying: "If I open good, it's all easy, otherwise, there's no way"
27:10 [2] {3} The sexual tension tends to decrease your opening rate
Gives an example of a guy who was opening TOO well (opened every single set), but that there's actually a problem with that… if you open every single set it's ussually coz you're too much of the friendly, fun, cool guy with no "sexual threat", you don't create any sexual tension… so… by just adding that you will tend to decrease your opening rate, but increase your final success rate.
The First Impression
• First impression could be formed BEFORE or DURING any of these steps
• People make decisions mostly based on their first impression
• Their "First Impression" of you may determine whether your approach succeeds or fails
• The Art of Opening is the Art of Managing the First Impression
• You have to be consistent with your first impressions for the entire conversation
27:57 [2] {3} What women comment on you being is feedback device
If you get called a player, for example it can be that you're opening too smooth. So don't invent complex routines to overcome it, just change the way you open (body-language, fashion, who you came with, who you're talking to and their reactions… etc).
Other Elements of First Impression
• Body language
• Fashion
• Who you came with
• Who you're talking to and their reactions
29:19 [2] {3} Approaching sets boundaries
- If I open with something sexy and controversial, it sets to boundaries to that level, then we know we can talk about that the entire evening, the boundary's been expanded from the very first thing you said, from the actual approach. It lets them talk about things they ussually would never talk about
Example: "Hey guys, what's the craziest thing you've done sexually? "
30:52 [2] {6} Friendly kino
...
shmoach