00:00:00: ...Then Regis looked right into the camera and said, "Just give her the damn Emmy already." 00:00:04: No. "La Lucci." He didn't say "her." "Give La Lucci the damn Emmy." 00:00:08: Right, right. La Lucci. Do it. Do Regis. 00:00:11: Give La Lucci the damn Emmy already! 00:00:14: Now do Regis finding out he has a week to live. 00:00:16: Grace, no. Bad taste. And I need some time to work on that one. So, you seeing apartments today? 00:00:23: Do Regis after he's had too much melon. 00:00:25: Stalling. | Not stalling. 00:00:26: Grace, you haven't even been looking at apartments. 00:00:28: So not true. Look, there's one now. There's one, and there's one. 00:00:32: Danny gets back to town in a week. You need to move out of his apartment and away from Ex-Boyfriend Land. 00:00:37: Oh, I hate Ex-Boyfriend Land. 00:00:39: So start fresh. When Michael left me, I completely changed the whole apartment. 00:00:43: Will, your apartment is exactly the same. 00:00:45: The point is, you need a new place. 00:00:47: Yeah. Well, easy for you to say, Mr. Rent Control. Mr. View of the Park. Mr. Perfect Apartment. 00:00:53: Oh, my god. Why don't I move in with you? 00:00:57: Wow. 00:00:58: Huh? 00:00:59: Uh, Can't. I promised Jack he could stay with me. 00:01:01: Just 'til his floors are done. Excuse me, how great is this? 00:01:04:I love you, you love me, and I love the fact I won't have to pretend I'm looking for apartments. 00:01:10: Ok, let me think about this. No! I love you, but no, no. Grace, we need to have our own apartments. 00:01:18: Why? 00:01:19: Because...we're grownups. Well, aren't we? 00:01:23: What just happened? We were having fun, we were playing Regis, and suddenly, I'm supposed to grow up, get my own place and pay bills? I hate you. 00:01:30: No, you don't. Look, I have got to get to work, and you have got to start looking for a new apartment. 00:01:36: Go. Go, you big grownup. 00:01:40: What do you mean I only have a week to live? 00:01:43:What am I gonna tell Gelman? Nah. 00:01:58: Oh, it all began with just one little dance. But soon it ended up a big romance. Blame it on the Bossa Nova, the dance of love. 00:02:07: Hey. I made it myself. It's a dry snack mix. I call it "Garlic Jazz." 00:02:15:I think you might like it, but if you don't... Blame it on the Bossa Nova, the dance-- 00:02:21: Knock it off. Don't make me laugh. You're buggin' me. 00:02:24: Ok, how am I bugging you? 00:02:27: How about projectile "garlic jazz" all over my $4,000 sofa? 00:02:31: Each time you describe the sofa, you add another thousand. 00:02:37: And must you always let that bird out of its cage? 00:02:39: Hey, birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim. Will's gotta lighten up. 00:02:44: Sorry, Jack. I didn't get much sleep. You were on the phone 'til 4 a.m. I could hear you gushing three rooms away. 00:02:49: For your information, I was having a heart-to-heart call with someone who actually cares about me. 00:02:54: Jack, nobody actually cares about you at Dial-a-Dude. 00:02:58: I don't know what you're talking about. 00:03:01: It's $2.99 a minute. 00:03:03: And so not worth it. 00:03:08: Jack McFarland, you are a frustrating roommate. You make expensive phone calls, but you don't pay the bills. 00:03:13:You eat a lot, but you never cook. You put on a maid's uniform, but you never clean the house. 00:03:19: Ok, what is this, huh? What's with the vertical eyebrows? You and Grace get in a fight? 00:03:23: No, we did not get in a fight. She wants to move in, and I said no, and I might have been a little insensitive. 00:03:30: Do I have garlic jazz breath? 00:03:33: That's right. I forgot. It's always about you. 00:03:37: Why are you so angry? Why don't you tell me what this is really about? Oh...my god. 00:03:44:You're in love with me, aren't you? 00:03:48: Do you smell toast? Because I think you're having a stroke. 00:03:54: Look, all I'm saying is you're a realtor. Let's get a little real. 00:03:59:I mean, who can afford-- No, no, no, no. No, don't hang up. Please, I'm sorry. 00:04:05: I'll have my assistant here fax over the application. 00:04:09:Ohh. That's gonna cost me a muffin basket. 00:04:11: Oh, my god. I already have this. Well, so now I have two. 00:04:17: I could live with my sister for a few months. I could also shove bamboo under my fingernails. 00:04:23: Ok, now, this is something "I got it, so I'll have it. Maybe I'll wear it, maybe I won't." But, uh... 00:04:29:maybe I will. Heh heh heh. Whoo! 00:04:32: Last month, I had a fianc? and a 2-bedroom apartment. Next month, single and homeless. Right on track! 00:04:38: Ok. Now this is just fun. It's beach, cocktails with the Pearlmans. Kicky little blouse. Cheeriness. 00:04:46:Dick's gotta stop drinking. 00:04:49: Karen, do you also hold up sandwiches in front of starving children? 00:04:53: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive. I should really-- Do you want a blouse? 00:04:59: No, thank you. I want an apartment. Can you please fax this application over to the realtor? 00:05:05: Oh, honey. Machinery. No. 00:05:14:Honey, now, why do you have to be the one to move out in the first place? 00:05:17: Oh, it's the breakup rule. Whoever cancels the marriage is forced to wander the streets of New York without a place to plug in her hot rollers. 00:05:25: Well, honey, you know that Danny would take you back in a heartbeat. 00:05:28: Karen, I'm not gonna marry someone just because I want a nice apartment. 00:05:34: Um...yes. That--That would be wrong. 00:05:40: It would be settling. I want to marry "the one." 00:05:44: And well you should, honey. How else are you gonna get to the two and the three? 00:05:52: $2,900 for a loft in Noho. $2,300 for a loft in Soho. 00:05:57: It's too much to pay for any... 'ho. 00:06:01: Ok, here: "Charming one bedroom, Chelsea adjacent, well-maintained, $1,500." Sounds great. 00:06:06: Ok, let me decode: "Charming"? Tiny. "Chelsea adjacent"? New Jersey. 00:06:14:"Well-maintained"? Super washes blood off sidewalk daily. 00:06:19: Grace, you're not helping. This is for you. 00:06:21: Ok. Fine. Fine. Let me see. 00:06:27:Ok. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Here it is. Perfect. "Upper West Side. Spacious 2-bedroom, 2-bath, fireplace--" 00:06:33: This is great. 00:06:34: "Hardwood floors, terrace, beautifully decorated by talented woman who hates looking for apartments, gay best friend included." Aha! 00:06:44: Grace, you can't move in with me. 00:06:46: Why not? 00:06:47: Because... You know it's a bad idea. 00:06:50: I hate when people say I know that. How would I know that? 00:06:53: All right, let's go over the reasons why you shouldn't. Ok? Reason number one: 00:06:59:You just got out of a relationship, and you need to wipe the slate clean. 00:07:03: Ok. Reason number one: why I should I would never let you walk out of the house with mustard on your face. Come here. 00:07:08: No, no! Yecchh! 00:07:10: Reason number 2: The dry cleaner in your neighborhood calls me "nice lady." 00:07:13: He calls me "nice lady." You need to build your own nest. 00:07:18:I mean, living with me, I'd just become a crutch for you. 00:07:20: So be my crutch. 00:07:23: Ohh, you are so Markie Post in every single Lifetime movie. 00:07:31: Eww. 00:07:33: Grace! This is right. You'll see, it's gonna be great for you. 00:07:37: How?! I'll be in a crappy apartment somewhere alone, sitting around reading a human interest story about... 00:07:44:I don't know, a kitty with no hind legs, who pulls herself around on a cart. 00:07:50:Then I'll be sad because I'm alone and kind of wounded, and I'll identify with the kitty. I am that kitty. 00:07:56: You are not that kitty! Trust me. You're a...you're a big ol' calico. 00:08:03: Really? | Yeah. 00:08:05: Yeah. I can do this. | You can do this. 00:08:07: I should do this. | Mm-hmm. 00:08:08: In fact, this could be the best thing I've ever done for myself. 00:08:12: Look at you! Gettin' on, gettin' past. Gettin' a little sick. What's in this thing? 00:08:20: Will? I'm scared. 00:08:22: Of course you're scared. You're supposed to be scared. I'm scared. 00:08:26: You are? 00:08:27: Yeah...Just ate a hot dog from a vendor with 3 teeth. I'm terrified. 00:08:34: Sign here. Initial here. Put the pen here. 00:08:38:Shake my hand here. As your attorney, it gives me great pleasure to inform you that you are now the largest manufacturer of buffalo feed in the entire southwest. 00:08:46: Say it again! 00:08:48: You are now the largest manufacturer of buffalo feed in the entire southwest. 00:08:52: It just sounds sexy, doesn't it? 00:08:56: I'm hot. 00:08:57: Yeah. Come on, let's go celebrate. 00:08:59: Oh, Harlin, could I take a rain check? I am so tired. 00:09:01: Figuring out all those billable hours really wiped you out, did it? 00:09:05: No. It's this guy who's living with me. 00:09:09: Look, Will, uh... I know it's none of my business, but... 00:09:12:when my wife and I are having a problem, I light some candles, get out some nice aromatic oil, then rub it up-- 00:09:20:It's just none of my business. 00:09:26: No, it's just a friend who's staying with me temporarily. 00:09:30:He keeps odd hours, he's got the energy of a ferret. He's messy, and he's got this enormous bird. 00:09:35: Uh, by bird, you mean...? 00:09:41: Bird. 00:09:44: Just checkin'. 00:09:47: Will, it's Grace on line 2. 00:09:49: Hey! 00:09:50: I found it. It's great. Come over now. Where is it? It's in Brooklyn Heights. Get off at the Borough Hall stop. I'll meet you there. 00:09:56: Wait, this connection must be bad. I could've sworn I heard you say Brooklyn. 00:10:01: So what do you think? 00:10:03: I think we're in Brooklyn. | You hate it. 00:10:05: No. No, I don't. Who knew there were such ...
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