Your Guide to Stronger Relationships.pdf

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Table of Contents
Part I. Maintenance
It’s Too Much Work
Part II. Intimacy
Emotional Intimacy
Forgive Yourself
Physical Intimacy
Part III. Affirmation
The Need for Affirmation
Part IV. Communication
Why Communication Fails
It Goes Both Ways
What to Say, What Not to Say
Part V. Conflict Resolution
When Action is Needed
Copyright © 2005 Unica Design Ltd.
part of the 000 Relationships Network
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scan-
ning, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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Secrets to a Relationship That Lasts
The sad thing about seduction is that most
women only apply seduction techniques
to get a man. Once they have him, they
stop trying. They enjoy the security that
a committed relationship brings and use it
as an excuse to stop working as hard on
the relationship as they did when they first
started dating.
Think back on your dating history. Every relationship you’ve had--except for the
one you’re currently in--has ended. That means that you can expect almost EVERY
relationship you have to break up eventually. The reasons that a relationship ends
can be many. He moved away, you moved on, you both moved apart. You argued
until the love was dead, you got bored, you couldn’t make a decision until it was
too late.
But you CAN keep this from happening. With commitment, you can ensure that
each relationship you’re in is a positive, healthy experience. You can be the girl
that guys don’t want to let go.
The one thing you can do to give your relationship a fighting chance to survive is
Build, practice, and perfect your relationship skills.
Many women know tons of information about getting a man. Few women know
tons about keeping a relationship alive. This is often because the only way to gain
better relationship skills is to be in a long-term relationship. Once women are in
long-term relationships, they tend to act in the same ways until negative behaviors
become habits.
This bonus book will help you improve your relationship skills. Read it whether or
not you are in a relationship, a marriage, or simply want to know how to keep the
guy of your dreams once you meet him.
In the following pages, I’ll teach you the five keys to successful long-term rela-
tionships: maintenance, intimacy, affirmation , communication, and conflict
resolution .
Enjoy reading!
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Part I. Maintenance
It takes so much effort to find that one
guy you click with. You have to attract
the attention of dozens of guys to get
one or two to ask you out. Then, out
of the handful of first dates you go on,
maybe only one guy really clicks with
you. You go out with him a few times,
and voila! You think there’s something
The path from first attraction to full-
fledged relationship is so haphazard,
so uncertain, and so fraught with perils
that we should treasure each and every
relationship while it lasts. Love is often
brief: it arrives, bright and sparkling, one
morning—only to leave in the cover of
The first lesson you need to learn to
keep your relationships strong is that
love can never be taken for granted.
Love needs a continual flow of positive, nourishing energy to grow. Unless you
continue to add fuel, its strong flame will begin to flicker and die.
It never ceases to amaze me to see the number of women who throw away
wonderful relationships because they thought they could stop trying once they
bagged their man. They stopped trying to stay attractive; they stopped trying to
make every time together a wonderful experience. They stopped trying to win his
You have to keep earning your man’s love, feeding it and reinforcing it if you want
your relationship to last. “Going steady” doesn’t give you the right to treat him
with any less care, attentiveness, or sensitivity than you did on your first dates.
Most people put on their “best face” when they’re on their first date with a
potential partner. They’re on their best behavior and try to do everything right.
Yet once the relationship becomes stable, they feel as if they’ve passed the test.
They don’t have to try anymore. They can let their “real selves” show.
And that’s why many relationships fail. The playful, mutually pleasurable, admiring
dynamics established during courtship collapse as both partners revert back to
previous behavior patterns. It takes a lot of effort to sell yourself to another
person, and most people believe that they don’t have to keep selling themselves
to their partner once they’re in an established relationship.
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But they’re wrong.
Think of your current job. How much effort did it take to get it? Did you have to
send out dozens of résumés, do your research, answer classifieds, and interview
over and over again? Then, once you got the job, did the work stop there? Of
course not. Once you accept a job, you’re expected to perform to the standards
indicated by your résumé. If you said you were skilled enough to accomplish tasks
to a certain level of quality, then your employer expects you to be able to do it.
Getting the job doesn’t mean that it’s time to slack. Getting the job means that
you get the opportunity to put into practice all the talents, skills, and abilities you
A relationship is much the same. When you’re courting, you’re trying to convince
the other person that you would complement his life. In career speak, you want
him to think that you’d be an asset to him. With you at his side as a partner, he
will have more fun, enjoy his life more, and do more exciting things.
So when you pass that interview—the
first date—and find yourself “hired” as
his girlfriend, it means that you have the
chance to show him how great you fill
the position. You said that you were fun
to be with, optimistic, playful, and a great
communicator. Well, now it’s time to show
off those skills.
Otherwise, if he finds that the girl he “hired”
is nothing like the girl he “interviewed,”
you may just find yourself fired.
This may seem like a harsh assessment. A
relationship, you may argue, is nothing like
a job. A relationship doesn’t have job performance reviews. Besides, everyone
expects a boyfriend or girlfriend to slack off after a while. In fact, it’s part of
becoming comfortable with one another, when you don’t have to worry about
guarding your behavior around your partner.
I won’t disagree, but let me ask you this: is losing respect for him part of
becoming more comfortable with your partner? Is picking fights with him part
of becoming more comfortable? Is no longer listening to him part of becoming
more comfortable?
Many of the behaviors that we consider to be average, ordinary, and acceptable
in a relationship—quite frankly—are not. If making fun of your partner, criticizing
him, making his life uncomfortable when he’s not doing what you want, or
pestering him are perfectly fine behaviors in your mind, then you need to read this
book closely.
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