Chapter 11 - You don't hold me anymore.rtf

-- Chapter 11 - You don't hold me anymore --

It had been a rainy afternoon, and although the heavy rain had stopped by the time the last class ended, the evening was cold. The Day Class girls seemed rather subdued during class changeover as they waited loyally outside the Moon Dorm gates to catch a glimpse of the gorgeous Night Class students in their white uniforms, a mirror image contrast to the black of the Day Class uniforms.

The dreary weather also caused Hanabusa Aido the playboy vampire, to be less enthusiastic than usual about meeting his fan base, giving them a sleepy smile and a rather languid wave of his hand instead of his usual shower of exaggerated and lavish compliments.

Yuuki couldn’t help but smile a little at that rather lukewarm greeting as the tousle haired blond gave a barely suppressed yawn. She glanced at the tall silver haired boy beside her to see if he’d noticed but Zero was turned the other way, his hands shoved deep in his pants pockets. She only had to glance in public at his stance to know that his habitual frown was firmly in place. He’d always been quiet – when he wasn’t yelling at the Day Class girls, that is - but increasingly less so in her presence. However, since the Chairman had found out about their ‘sleeping arrangements’ last week, he seemed to have regressed to the taciturn and sullen person he’d been.

After the Night Class students had safely made it to their classrooms, and the gaggle of awe-struck Day Class students had returned to their dorms, the two Class Prefects walked back to the main building to have their dinner. Zero was still silent as they walked, kicking a small stone along the path with utmost concentration while Yuuki folded her arms across her chest. There seemed to be something Zero was thinking about but she refrained from asking, for once, a little apprehensive it might actually be something to do with her.

- o -

Yuuki again folded her arms as she walked beside Zero, gravel crunching beneath their sneakers in the quiet night. It was now a couple of hours after the Night Class had started their lessons. The two prefects had just had their dinner half an hour ago, in which Chairman Cross had managed to surprise them again with yet another version of his signature ‘liver and vegetable’ dish. Although it was admittedly better than last month’s version, in which he’d added a big spoonful of sugar in a fit of inspired creativity, the dish still required all of Yuuki’s and Zero’s willpower not to say a single negative comment.

Yuuki sighed softly without realising it. Zero glanced sideways at her but stayed silent. He could read Yuuki pretty well by now and this was one of her ‘I’m sighing without any real reason behind it’ sighs, as opposed to her more worrying ‘I’m sighing with a valid reason so get ready to talk’ one.

The Night Class lessons were in progress, which accounted for the still brightly-lit classrooms. Yuuki couldn’t resist a glance or two at the windows, catching sight of the tall elegant figure of Moon Dorm Leader Kaname Kuran as they walked past the classrooms towards the building at the back. It also housed classrooms but was normally deserted at nights, since the Night Class had fewer students compared to the Day Class. Still, it was part of their patrol route in case any of the elite vampires had decided to carry off a Day Class girl for some flirting and fresh blood…

Her glances at the Night Class students didn’t elicit any response from Zero either and Yuuki pursed her lips a little. She’d have welcomed a bit of bantering right now - the silence was starting to get a little oppressive. But she didn’t know how to start a conversation at this very moment, and her usual chatter seemed to have suddenly deserted her.

Yuuki and Zero climbed the stairs to the third and topmost floor then stopped there, her breathing was a little faster than usual after the exercise, Zero’s still even.

Yuuki moved towards the balcony, shivering as the wind picked up. She leaned her arms on the wrought iron railing and looked out at the sprawling school grounds. Both she and Zero were now wearing jeans and windbreakers over thick T-shirts after their respective showers but she was still cold.

“Yuuki, if you’re cold, why are you still standing in the wind?” came Zero’s voice from behind her, sounding a little irritable at her apparent lack of logical sense.

“Hmm?” Yuuki had tilted her head up to watch the stars in the clear night sky and she turned back to face him now, glad he’d finally said something and not taking any offense at his tone - she was too used to it by now. “I’m just looking at the stars” she replied.

“Well, you can see them just as well from here” pointed out Zero, patting the cemented step on which he was now sitting. “Come sit down here…”

Yuuki walked over and sank down beside him, which was actually where Zero wanted her to be. Beside him. By his side. For always. Her sweetly intoxicating scent teased his senses and he longed to inch closer to her. She didn’t say anything as she looked sideways at him, still shivering a little. Her sudden soft exhalation told Zero it was the second type of sigh now, but he didn’t still say anything.

Yuuki was trying to catch Zero’s eye. Not only had he been quieter than usual these past week, he’d also been a little… remote… when it came to touching her. In fact, when Zero had drunk her blood in her room last week, he’d been pretty self-conscious about it. By tacit agreement, they had left her room door slightly ajar (in case the Chairman decided to take another look) and both were fully clothed the entire time. But she knew Zero had been eyeing the door the entire time he drank from her neck. He’d put a casual hand on her shoulder, but nothing more than that. Not a hand threaded through her hair to tilt her head to the side, not a hand around her back to hold her close to him, not an arm clasped around her waist to steady her, nothing. Not that she was disappointed or anything…

She could also sense Zero’s body was as tense as hers had been as though afraid Chairman Cross would walk in on them halfway. They needn’t have been actually; their father had given a rather broad hint that he rather expected Zero to take from Yuuki that night.

“Well, dinner will be ready in half an hour…” he’d said while they were in his study, completing their homework. Actually, Zero had already completed his and was tutoring Yuuki in algebra. “Why don’t you take your books to your rooms and shower or something…” he’d added vaguely before shuffling off towards the kitchen.

Yuuki had caught Zero’s raised eyebrow and she had to smile, remembering the disbelieving look on his face in the kitchen last week, when he’d finally realised the Chairman had told Yuuki he could continue to drink her blood. That look had turned to a wondering sort of amazement that had warmed her heart.

But when he drank her blood a few minutes later, he’d done so hurriedly. Guiltily, almost… And he’d licked off the remaining drops of blood from her neck with almost indecent speed, giving her a quick squeeze on her shoulder and a whispered “Thanks” before going off to his room. Yuuki was left to stare at her still open door in somewhat hurt surprise, her hand going up to clasp her shoulder where he had squeezed a moment earlier.

“Sure…” she whispered, disappointed that he hadn’t held her any closer and had completely forgotten to hug her after that. She bit her lip. That session had felt so… impersonal… even transactional… and that had… hurt…

Zero knew that Yuuki was cold, he could feel her slender body shivering as she unconsciously pressed a little closer to him. But he didn’t move a muscle. Even though he wanted to. Even though he ached to put his arm around her shoulder and pull her closer to his warmth. Even though he longed to bury his face in her hair and inhale her scent deeply.

Yuuki frowned a little. Zero knew she was cold since he’d just told her get out of the wind so why wasn’t he holding her close they way he used to? She inched closer to him. Zero didn’t move. Yuuki leaned against his arm.

“Zero?”

A pause. Then “Hmm?”

“I’m cold” she whispered, unfolding her arms to blow on her frozen fingers.

“Go back in then, I’ll cover the rest of the route myself” Zero’s voice was wooden and he continued staring straight ahead. Yuuki glared at him for a moment. “That’s not what I meant” she said flatly.

Zero glanced down at her, his jaw clenched. “Oh?” He knew very well what she meant all right. He started to unzip his windbreaker. “Well, put this on then…”

“No, Zero!”

Zero paused, his lean fingers still on the zipper as he looked straight ahead again. Don’t say it, Yuuki… he thought. Don’t make this anymore difficult for me…

“You could – you could put your arm around me…” said Yuuki softly, still looking at him.

Zero closed his eyes, exhaling. He should’ve known she would say it… Then he turned to look at her, his lips twisting ruefully at the silent pleading in her wide brown eyes.

“Yuuki – do you think I haven’t thought of that? Do you think I don’t want to?” he asked, his gaze intent on hers.

Yuuki’s breath caught at the ache in his low voice. “Then why don’t you…” she murmured, even though she knew she shouldn’t.

“Because!” Did she still need to ask? he thought disbelievingly.

“It’s just your arm” muttered Yuuki a little defensively. “Father won’t mind, I’m sure…”

Zero shut his eyes and pressed his palms against his closed lids. Yes, the Chairman wouldn’t mind - if it was just a brotherly arm. But he would. Because he would want more after putting his arm around Yuuki. He would want to pull her closer to him, feel her soft curves pressed against his body, breathe in the scent of her hair and maybe steal a kiss or two. Or maybe more… no, definitely more. He inhaled deeply, smelling her soft sweet scent mingled with the muskier scent of her menses. It made his jaw ache ever so slightly…

Yuuki probably – no, most likely – didn’t realise that. Zero opened his eyes to look down at her. She had pursed her lips rather mutinously now and he could tell she was gearing up for an argument.

He exhaled, giving in. “All right…” he started to put his arm around her but Yuuki shrugged it off. Tossing her head, she got up suddenly and walked back to the balcony, leaning with her back against it as she folded her arms across her chest.

Zero stared at her. “What was that - ” he started.

Yuuki tossed her head again, auburn strands swinging around her face. “Don’t do it if you don’t feel like it” she threw at him before staring pointedly at the pillar beside her. She was damned if she’d allow him to put an arm around her only because she wanted it…

Zero exhaled exasperatedly. “Yuuki, I didn’t say I didn’t want to” he said.

Yuuki continued to glare at the pillar, now feeling a little embarrassed at her outburst.

Something twisted in Zero’s chest. “Look… I want to, OK? I want to put my arms around you. Very much. Too damn much, in fact!” It was now his turn to glare at her. He’d have thought she’d have realised at least that much by now…

Yuuki looked at him. “Then why don’t you?” she asked. Her voice quivered a little and she quickly looked back at the pillar.

Zero gave a small rather mirthless laugh, shaking his head. He looked down at the cemented floor. “Because I don’t think I would be able to do that, and not want to do… other… things…” he muttered.

Another silence.

Zero glanced up. Yuuki’s eyes were huge, her lips parted as she stared at him.

He sighed. “Never mind, come here” he said, reaching out his right hand.

Yuuki didn’t move.

“Come here, Yuuki” he repeated, still holding out his hand.

Slowly, she walked back to him. He caught her left hand and tugged her down onto the step beside him. Yuuki was staring straight ahead and he could feel her slightly agitated breathing.

“Never mind, it’s OK…” said Zero, placing his right arm around her shoulders and drawing her close to him. Yuuki’s body was tense and Zero withdrew his arm to quickly unzip his windbreaker. He wrapped his windbreaker and his arms around her, trapping her cold hands within the warm folds of the fabric.

Yuuki hesitated a moment longer, then she relaxed and leaned back against him. After a moment, she turned to press her face into his shirt, inhaling deeply. Zero smiled a little in spite of himself - did he honestly smell that good?

His soft sigh ruffled her hair. “Yuuki, surely you can’t think I don’t want to hold you…” he murmured, half teasingly, half exasperatedly. Yuuki shifted a little, still feeling rather silly at how she had blown up at him. It wasn’t really Zero’s fault, and it wasn’t as if they were a couple or anything like that… She just… liked him to… hold her, that was all.

“Then why didn’t you - ” she began, then broke off, exhaling loudly. This was going to sound even more embarrassing. She peeped up at Zero. He was looking down at her and she could tell he knew what she wanted to ask.

“Why didn’t I hold you after taking from you last week?” he asked softly.

Yuuki blushed then she nodded. “Yeah…” she whispered back.

“You know why, Yuuki. Father could have stepped in at any time.”

Yuuki bit her lip. Yes, she knew. But it just felt so good to be in Zero’s warm arms, making her feel like he appreciated her gift.

“It just felt so… different when you didn’t…” she admitted softly. “As if… as if – ” she broke off, not knowing how to continue.

“As if I didn’t care?” came Zero’s voice, in a hushed whisper.

Yuuki nodded abruptly, still feeling the small stab of hurt that Zero had seemed so… eager… to get away from her as soon as he’d finished. She gave a small sniff then peeped up at him again.

Zero sighed again then leaned down to touch his forehead to hers. “Would it make you feel any better if I said I wanted to, even more than you?” he asked.

Yuuki looked back into his eyes. “It would. So say it.”

Zero had to smile a little – he’d asked for that one, all right…

Then he raised his head, closed his eyes for a moment and blew out a sigh. “OK Yuuki, I wanted to hold you then. I wanted to hold you after drinking from your neck. I always want to hold you, even without drinking your blood. OK? Satisfied?” His voice sounded a little annoyed on the last word, because he could feel the heat creeping up his face again.

Yuuki giggled softly, sensing he was a little embarrassed. Then she snuggled against him again. “And I always want you to…” she said softly.

Zero shifted a little. It probably wasn’t a good idea to talk about his bloodlust because his chest was starting to clench tightly. And Yuuki leaning against him trustingly wasn’t helping either. Quickly, he withdrew his arm. “C’mon, let’s go back, things are quiet tonight…”

Yuuki looked a bit surprised, she was very comfortable where she was, and just only starting to feel cosy and warm again… But Zero had stood up and he reached down to pull her up as well, stifling a groan. His jaw was starting to ache in earnest now and it was getting hard to breathe around the bands tightening around his chest. Great…

They were both quiet as they walked back to the main building but Yuuki’s heart was feeling much lighter. Zero had shoved his hands in his pockets, still staring down the whole time. After a moment, Yuuki became aware of Zero’s increasingly ragged breathing.

Walking down the corridor leading to their rooms, Yuuki stopped. “Zero?” her voice was soft. “You need blood, don’t you?”

He looked into her gentle eyes. He didn’t need to say anything, Yuuki could see the crimson hue in his eyes.

She looked around, knowing that the Chairman was busy in his study – he’d muttered something about having to complete a report for submission tomorrow. Did that mean… she glanced back at Zero, then nodded at the main bathroom.

“Come on, in here” Yuuki caught Zero’s hand and pulled him into the bathroom.

He followed unresisting, hoping the Chairman had already answered nature’s call and wouldn’t need to do so again, at least for the next half hour or so…

Yuuki unzipped her windbreaker hurriedly and shrugged it off; Zero did the same. As they both tossed them down onto the wooden bench that stood next to the bathtub, they paused. Their actions had seemed uncomfortably like… stripping… and Yuuki quickly turned around. “I’m going to get changed, back in a moment…” Without waiting for his reply, she escaped to her room and swapped her T-shirt for one of her tank tops before hurrying back to the bathroom. Zero was leaning against the wall, trying to breathe evenly, his fangs elongating rapidly in anticipation.

Yuuki stepped into the bathroom once more and closed the door, resisting the sudden and instinctive urge to lock it. “OK” she whispered, her wide eyes looking up at Zero as he approached her, backing her against the tiled wall. “I’ll hold you this time, Yuuki” he promised softly, staring at her a moment longer before bending down to her neck. Yuuki smiled, tilting her head to the side to grant him better access.

“Me too” she whispered, feeling Zero’s arms close around her as he licked the base of her neck. She wrapped her own arms around his waist, feeling the twin pricks as he tenderly pierced her skin. His warm lips made her shiver as her blood spilled into his mouth and he swallowed the warm intoxicating liquid. Yuuki held him as tightly as she could, feeling his arms around her do the same. Ahh, this was what had been missing the last time… this was what she wanted to feel…

Zero groaned deep in his throat. Yuuki’s own sweet scent mixed with the intoxicating smell of her blood filled his senses… he would never tire of the way she smelled up close, the way she tasted against his mouth and on his tongue, and the way she felt pressed close to him.

Zero’s hand slid out of the silky auburn strands to curve around her slender shoulders and his other hand tightened around the back of her waist, pulling her flush against his body. He pressed even closer, pinning her against the wall, oblivious now of anything that wasn’t Yuuki.

Yuuki inhaled shakily. Pressed up so close against him, she could hear quite a lot of things – his laboured and harsh breathing next to her ear, the raspy sounds he made as he sucked her blood into his mouth and the hungry swallowing noises deep in his throat. She could also feel quite a lot of things – his strong arm around her shoulders, his silvery hair now tickling her neck, his hot breath against her sensitive skin… And, as his other hand jerked her forward against him, she felt something else that made her heartbeat go into triple time. Something that pressed against her. He wasn’t making any attempt to hide it either… she realised somewhat distractedly after a moment. If anything, he was pressing even closer, trapping her against the wall.

“Zero?” she said, releasing his shoulders and trying to work her hands in between his chest and hers to put a bit of space between them. He was pressed distressingly close to her and she felt like she couldn’t even breathe properly. And he was still… well, still very much…

Yuuki could sense he was drinking slower now, not as hungrily, and she paused, reluctant to stop him. She waited as long as she could until she couldn’t ignore the fact any longer.

“Zero?” she pushed harder against his chest. He lifted his head and pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes with a slight frown. Yuuki’s eyes slid involuntarily to his blood stained lips, then she looked into his eyes. The crimson hue was starting to fade, turning his eyes amethyst again.

“What?” he asked, his voice still husky from swallowing her warm life giving blood.

Yuuki’s cheeks were flushed brightly by now. “You’re… you know…” she said in an agonised whisper. She didn’t know how to continue, so she pointed her index finger downwards. Zero’s eyes followed that direction obediently and realised he had his hips pressed close to Yuuki’s. And he knew from the blush on her cheeks what she was trying to say.

Zero pulled away quickly and Yuuki sagged against the wall in palpable relief, her eyes still glued to the bulge in his jeans. Zero scowled, his turn to blush now as he quickly turned aside with a muttered apology. The side view only enhanced what he was trying to hide and he saw Yuuki’s eyes grow even wider with surprise.

Her eyes flew back up to his face when she heard him cursing under his breath. “Well…” she said, then trailed off.

“Well, now you know why” stated Zero grimly. His back was now facing her but he turned his head to glance at her sideways, one eyebrow lifted.

Yuuki bit her lip. Would this happen each time he held her? It would make things rather awkward really…

“But - you didn’t use to… you know… right?” she asked.

Zero stared grimly at the bathtub, as though the pristine porcelain surface would yield an answer to him.

“Not then, but – ” he broke off. His keen hearing had picked up approaching sounds. Quickly, he swung around, mouthing “Father” silently to Yuuki. She gasped softly, her eyes widening even more as Zero stepped quickly to the door and wrenched it open. He’d judged correctly that the Chairman was only halfway across the dining room that led to the corridor and Zero managed to swiftly move down and duck behind the corner a second before the Chairman turned the corner at his end.

By the time the older man had reached the bathroom, Yuuki was clad once more in her windbreaker, hurriedly zipped up to her neck to hide the fresh bite marks Zero had made. “All yours, Father” she said sunnily and left the bathroom.

Her father smiled, nodding absently as he stepped in and closed the door. He turned around and caught sight of Zero’s windbreaker on the wooden bench.

Zero was inside his room, leaning against his door and shaking his head ruefully. Geez, that was close… his blood drinking sessions were getting to be rather stressful. Not only that, he now needed a cold shower as soon as the Chairman was done using the toilet…

He licked Yuuki’s blood off his lips and waited for the sounds of the toilet being flushed. Grabbing his towel, he opened his room door and strode to the bathroom. The Chairman was just coming out and he smiled at Zero.

“I believe this is yours?” he held out Zero’s windbreaker towards him, trying not to grin at the sight of Zero’s face as he stared accusingly at the innocent clothing in his father’s hand.

“Uh – yeah” Zero muttered and grabbed it, scowling heavily at the floor. He quickly stepped past his father and closed the door but it couldn’t quite shut out the sudden chuckle he heard on the other side. All right, a cold shower was definitely in order now, to cool down his ardour as well as the heat on his face…

Back in her room, Yuuki changed into her pyjamas and sat at her desk. She somehow knew Zero would drop by, and she was still debating what to say to him when his knock sounded ten minutes later.

She didn’t answer at first but Zero knocked again. He was wondering if she’d had already fallen asleep when the door suddenly opened. “Yes?” muttered Yuuki, staring fixedly at the middle button of his pyjama shirt.

Zero opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. Yuuki had accused him of not holding her after drinking her blood so he’d thought… but it didn’t look like she wanted him to, anymore… not that he blamed her or anything…

“Nothing” he muttered, turning away. “Goodnight, Yuuki…”

Yuuki bit her lip. “Wait, Zero…” He stopped but didn’t look back at her. It was just like the night of the dance, after they’d kissed for the first time. Yuuki stared at his tense back for a moment, frowning a little. Why was this happening? she thought.

“Come in, Zero… please” she murmured softly. He turned his head a little. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Yuuki had to smile at the hesitation in his voice. “Just for a while” she said.

Zero turned to face her fully, his expression guarded. He gave a quick glance down the corridor, mostly out of reflex, then quickly, as though afraid Yuuki would change her mind, stepped into her room and closed the door behind him - Yuuki barely managed to step aside.

“Zero, you don’t have… to – ” Yuuki broke off as Zero practically hauled her into his arms, his arms closing convulsively around her. Yuuki stood still in his embrace, a little stunned by the abruptness of his movements. Then she giggled and relaxed, wrapping her own arms around him. Hearing her laugh, Zero loosened his arms a little, feeling his heartbeat slow down, relieved that she still wanted him to hold her.

Yuuki sighed after a moment, an ‘I’m sighing because I’m happy and this feels good’ kind of sigh as far as Zero could tell. “This is getting to be really strange, huh, Zero?” she asked softly. Zero smiled wryly against her hair. “Tell me about it” he muttered.

Yuuki giggled again and pressed closer to Zero, relieved that his body again felt… normal… against hers. “Yuuki…” said Zero warningly, his voice holding just a hint of pained amusement. He shifted her towards his side a little, just in case.

Yuuki knew what he was doing but she only smiled against his shirt. This was Zero after all… she had nothing to worry about. They stood there for a few minutes, Yuuki’s slender fingers absently drawing imaginary circles on his back, making Zero shift her a little more to his side.

After a while, he heard her yawn and reluctantly released her. “It’s late…” he said. Yuuki smiled up at him. “Goodnight, Zero” she said softly, removing her hands from his back and pulling his head down to hers to kiss him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Yuuki” Zero murmured in return, brushing a kiss on her forehead. “Also, thank you for… you know…” he whispered.

“Anytime…” whispered Yuuki, smiling happily. All was well now, and she was still smiling when she fell asleep two minutes later.

-- End --