Dance of the Vampires Broadway.doc

ACT ONE

OVERTURE

Scene One

(A graveyard. A twisted tree. A headless angel. A gutted burnt-out church that seems to morph into the graveyard. Evening. Low mist. On the horizon, a bloodshot sunset. We are off the map of civilised Europe, long long ago…

A giggling cry.)

FEMALE VOICE:
Stop it, you’re scaring me

(Three girls appear, each carrying a basket – Sarah, Zsa Zsa and Nadja)

NADJA:
Ah, a ruined church, and the strangest mushrooms in Lower Belabartokovich. Have you ever seen such a place?

ZSA ZSA:
Sarah, it’s getting late.

NADJA:
Sarah, it’s getting dark.

SARAH:
Just a little bit further. We’ll be safe. And anyway what’s there to fear in a gloomy forest in deepest Transylvania three nights before Halloween?

(The three bend to pick the mushrooms. Nadja will not be able to control herself, instead eating the mushrooms.)

NADJA:
Well what about the… You know, the…

SARAH:
You don’t believe all those stories about the undead

NADJA/ZSA ZSA:
I do…

SARAH:
Good heavens! This is 1880-something. And I don’t fear the undead, I fear the unliving, cravant souls afraid to experience life! Nadja stop eating the mushrooms!

NADJA:
I can’t stop eating. I’m scared

SARAH:
Come now, Nadja. Zsa Zsa. Let’s say that old Transylvanian prayer

Angels arise
As night must fall
And radiant eyes
Stare down on as all
If the powers that be
Be beyond our call
Then angels arise as the night must surely fall

And for every pit of darkness
There’s a light that so pure divine
And I ask you to protect me
From those gasps and shutters and
Those shivers down my spine

There are things that must be magic
There’s no explaining why or how
And there’s every sign that once upon a time
Is starting here and now
There’s ever sign…

(From beyond the graveyard, the dominant and gothic castle Von Krolock comes into view)

SARAH:
My goodness! Look. It’s the castle of the dreaded count von Krolock

NADJA:
You know we’re not supposed to go near the dreaded castle von Krolock

NADJA:
They’re calling us back!

SARAH:
Ten more mushrooms, then we’ll go home

KROLOCK’S VOICE (off):
Sarah…

NADJA:
God, these mushrooms are great!

ZSA ZSA:
Did you hear something?

KROLOCK’S VOICE (off):
Sarah…

SARAH:
I do hear. It’s so strange. Every now and then in the middle of the night, I hear a voice calling my name…

KROLOCK’S VOICE (off):
Sarah…

SARAH:
I dream I’m in a castle, rather like this castle, wearing a blood red gown and dancing at a blood red ball in blood red velvet boots

(Nadja starts to cry)

Oh, don’t cry Nadja

NADJA:
I ate all the mushrooms

KROLOCK’S VOICE (off):
Sarah…

SARAH:
That voice calling me in the night…

(A strange, pulsing rhythm is heard. Suddenly – a Figure leaps in the fog, roaring like a beast. The Girls scream

A Second Figure joins, then four more, half-glimpsed in the mist)

DANCE: «GOD HAS LEFT THE BUILDING»

(The first dance of the evening is dionysian revel, a vampire rave. Like teenagers on the rampage, the Vampires swarm all over. It is an explosion of freedom – no limits – utter abandon. One of them scrawls «Carpe Noctem» on a mousoleum in red. As if his bare hand itself were a spray-paint can. The Vampires begin to stalk
and frighten Zsa Zsa and Nadja, who will eventually be abducted, while Sarah watches, transfixed, fascinated. At some point, the dance becomes more syncronized, a pounding rhythm, as if the Group was collectively summoning something forth. Zsa Zsa and Nadja are, screaming, dragged off by two Vampires. Leaving Sarah.

As if in response, there’s a thunderclap, and bolts of lightning pierce the sky. Sinister blinding lights blast out from within the castle. The earth seems to tremble and shake. The sky becomes darker and more bloodshot as the sun expires. Volcanic rumblings surround everyone, onstage and in the audience. Fixtures on the theatre wall begin to rattle, the earth tremours become compulsive. Something blasts out from beneath the ground, slowly with incredible strength, shooting out like a rocket launching, bulleting upwards, sending earth and stones flying. The huge shape is revealed to be an enormous coffin, and it is soon hovering in the air, wildly swinging back and forth like the pendulum of a clock, glowing and pulsing with inner light. The lid swings open and falls to the ground. The interior of the coffin lights up so that Krolock is a shadowy outline.)

SARAH:
Help me, God almighty!

KROLOCK:
God has left the building.

(The Vampires disappear into the mist. Krolock steps forward.)

KROLOCK:
You are perfect. How old are you child?

SARAH:
I? Eighteen. In three days

KROLOCK:
At the total eclipse of the moon…

SARAH:
At the total eclipse of the moon?

KROLOCK:
On Halloween…

SARAH:
At midnight

KROLOCK:
It’s too good. And your name? No. Don’t tell me. Sarah

SARAH:
Sarah…

KROLOCK:
I’ve been looking for an original sin,
One with a twist and a bit of a spin
And since I’ve done all the old ones
Till they’ve all been done in
Now, I’m just looking,
Then I’m gone like the wind
Endlessly searching for an original sin

(Turn around…)
(Turn around…)

I’ve been waiting for you since you’ve been born
I’ve waited patiently, but not for long
And since I know all your dreams,
I understand what you need
And when I call you, you must go where I lead
Your dreams are so hungry
It’s time now to feed

So I bless you with my curse
There are ties that you must sever
You’ll be better when you’re worse
You must die to live forever
I will show you the depths of the night
We can never go wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
My love is like a shadow on you

(Every now and then, I hear a voice)

And since I know all your dreams,
I understand what you need
And when I call you, you must go where I lead
Your dreams are so hungry
It’s time now to feed

SARAH:
That accent…

KROLOCK:
Accent? Sarah…

(incantationally)

Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

SARAH:
Would he offer me his mouth?

KROLOCK:
Yes…

SARAH:
Will he offer me his teeth?

KROLOCK:
Yes…

SARAH:
And would he offer me his hunger?

KROLOCK:
Oh, yes…

SARAH:
And does he love me?

KROLOCK:
Sarah, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

SARAH:
And in return?

KROLOCK:
Let me give you just a small taste…

(He bites Sarah’s neck tenderly, hungry for more he still manages to restrain himself.)

SARAH:
That was just a taste?

KROLOCK:
How do you feel?

SARAH:
I feel good, I feel very good

KROLOCK:
Listen. The dawn approaches

SARAH:
That was a short night, and yet… so full

KROLOCK:
I will return for you Sarah with a very special invitation. Until then. Remember me…

(Krolock returns to his coffin. It sinks into the mist. Sarah is left alone, she faints…

Blackout. Scene change.)

VOICES:
Garlic, garlic, garlic e.t.c

ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

(An Inn, toward sunset, full of Peasants who are drinking, eating, cooking. Garlic hangs everywhere in huge strands. A Peasant on a Ladder strings garlic up in eaves. During the following number we meet Chagal, the nervous, desperate, scurrying Innkeeper, overseeing everything. Magda, the busty, crass kitchen maid
waiting on tables, constantly clutched at by Chagal. Rebecca, Chagal’s amble wife, constantly-compulsively-eating; and Boris, a somewhat strange bartender, who serves garlic in bowls. He bears a striking resmblence to a horror movie hunchback.)

PEASANTS:
We live in constant danger
There’s evil in the air
Some people pray
Some run away
Go crazy with despair
Bring us one more bowl now
We want more, you’ve got the goods
And another bottle, right away,
You’ll forget what’s in the woods
We’ll forget what’s in the woods

Garlic Garlic, when times are tough and grave
Garlic Garlic, it’s a remedy we crave
Transylvania is scary
One cannot be too wary
For with garlic we are saved
With garlic we are saved

The days are disappointing
The nights are even worse
The cows are scared
The sheep are wary
Out lives are simply cursed
We dance as if we’re happy
We sing as if we’re fine
But the simple fact, is simply that
We’ve gone and lost our minds
We’ve gone and lost our minds
Garlic Garlic, the secret of staying young
Garlic Garlic, that’s why we’re so well hung
What’s strong is getting stronger
What’s long is getting longer
With garlic on your tongue
With garlic on your tongue

We’ve simply lost our minds,
We’ve simply lost our minds,
We’ve simply gone, we’ve simply gone
And lost our bloody minds!

Garlic Garlic, the secret of staying young
Garlic Garlic, that’s why were so well hung
What’s strong is getting stronger
What’s long is getting longer
With garlic on your tongue
With garlic on your tongue

Garlic, Garlic, it’s the nourishment we crave
Garlic Garlic, when times are tough and grave
Garlic Garlic, it’s a remedy we pray
Transylvania is too scary
One can not be too wary
For garlic we’ll be saved
From the cradle to the grave
With garlic we’ll be saved

CHAGAL:
Boris, more garlic

BORIS:
Boris serve garlic…

(Dance interlude: A high-energy peasant dance which is so extreme and frantic. It becomes an industrial-strength
exaggeration of Eastern European show-offy folk dance troupes like the Moiseyev. But there’s a reason for all this high octane cabin fever and areclimbing the walls, dancing to drown out the terrors outside

Wolf howl. Suddenly the door is opened from the outside. The wind whips a cloud of snow into the inn. Professor Abronsius, interlectual and scientist, enters. He becomes an object of stares from the Villagers.)

ABRONSIUS:
Greetings gentle peasents.

(murmur)

I am Abronsius of Heidelberg and I seek the very jubla hela Gocovich

CHAGAL:
Rebecca, we have a stranger!

REBECCA:
The first in twenty years

MAGDA:
So sell them the postcards

CHAGAL:
Okay. I sell them the postcards but we tell them nothing. Especially about the… you know who…

ABRONSIUS:
Alfred!

(Alfred, the Professor’s faithful and aide factotum, enters laden with bags.)

ALFRED:
At your side professor

(Murmur from the Villagers.)

ABRONSIUS:
Alfred. The journal, if you please

ALFRED (placing bags down to read from journal):
«October 29th 1880-something…»

ABRONSIUS:
Yes…

ALFRED:
«…We have arrived in a village that smells like feet»

ABRONSIUS:
Feet or garlic?

ALFRED:
«The inteprid professor searches for a vampire»

(Shock from Villagers)

ABRONSIUS:
Thank you Alfred. That will do

CHAGAL (stepping forward):
At your service, gentlemen. Chagal, transylvanian innkeeper and Rebecca, my Transylvanian wife

ABRONSIUS:
Abronsius, international vampirisist

(shock)

And Alfred, my faithful foctotum

REBECCA:
His foctotum?

CHAGAL:
If that means what I think it does, they can leave right now!

ABRONSIUS:
Mr. Chagal is there per chance a castle near by?

(murmur)

Per chance the castle Von Krolock?

(murmur)

Stop that!

(It does)

BORIS:
Excuse me, sir. You want the castle von Krolock. You go across the street, you take a left…

CHAGAL:
Boris!

BORIS:
Sir, you…

CHAGAL:
Zip it! Go fetch the garbage. Rebecca, get the gentlemen’s bags

REBECCA:
The bags?

MAGDA:
Boris

BORIS:
Just trying to be helpful

(Bell tolling )

MAGDA:
Sunset. Sunset! Get to your homes! Lock your doors, bar you shutters! Save yourselves!

(The Peasants exit, tumbling out of the Inn fearfully, at top speed.)

ABRONSIUS:
Your village seems to fear sunset

CHAGAL:
No. It’s the wolves, sir. They can be real devils

ABRONSIUS:
Devils, eh? Legend has it the devil can’t come in unless he is invited in

CHAGAL:
Well…

(knock)

Come in!

(The door opens and Mme. von Krolock enters – a foreboding old woman draped in black.)

MME. VON KROLOCK:
Evening, Mr Chagal

CHAGAL:
Countess von Krolock

MME. VON KROLOCK:
Do you have any blood red silk suitable for a ball garment, Chagal

CHAGAL:
Of course, countess. A pack of silk. Magda. Silk!

MAGDA:
Ya! Ya!

MME. VON KROLOCK:
How is your daughter, Chagal? The fair Sarah

CHAGAL:
My Sarah. My prize, my jewel

MME. VON KROLOCK:
She has a birthday soon, does she not?

CHAGAL:
Yes madame. In two nights

MME. VON KROLOCK:
At the total eclipse of the moon?

CHAGAL:
Oh Halloween

MME. VON KROLOCK:
It’s too good…

CHAGAL:
But she’s airing Madame, she’s feverish

REBECCA:
But she’s been acting so strangely today

MME. VON KROLOCK:
May I go up and visit the poor girl?

ABRONSIUS:
No madame, you may not. No one may. It is Abronsius of Heidelberg who speaks

MME. VON KROLOCK (with sarcasm):
Oh… I’m scared. Mr Chagal, are you still having those nightmares? Congratulations, a good nightmare comes so rarely

MAGDA:
Your silk, madame

MME. VON KROLOCK:
Look at this silk! You can see your hand right through it. Made by the nuns in France, you know. I hate nuns

CHAGAL:
Yes, Madame. Who doesn’t?

MME. VON KROLOCK:
I leave. Tell your daughter to mind herself, Mr Chagal. The wolves you know, they have a heartless appetite. But then don’t we all

(With this, she exits.)

CHAGAL:
She’s looking well…

ABRONSIUS:
Mr Chagal I have arrived just in time. For I can save your village and your daughter

CHAGAL:
My Sarah. My prize, my jewel…

ABRONSIUS
I travel the world and rid it of vampires

(shock from Villagers)

That’s right, vampires

(shock)

Now there is only one of those monsters left in the entire world, and I will have him. The count Giovanni Von Krolock…

REBECCA:
But, sir. There’s more than one, you know there’s a whole pack…

ABRONSIUS:
Please, madame, do not interupt! For where there is smoke, I know there is a campfire. And where there is a fear of sunset, I know there is a… Vampire

You think I haven’t got a clue,
Your cringing makes me weary
Its time I introduce to you
My fundamental theory
Logic, logic
The world is based on logic

When I was but a little boy
A sitting on my mammas knee
A visionary thought I got
As pure as trigonometry
Logic logic,
The answer is logic

So to Heidelberg I travelled
At the tender age of seven
All my courses I unravelled
By the time I turned eleven
Using logic (logic)
I became petagogic

My thinking’s clear my visions firm
Illusions can’t delude me
This early bird will catch his worm
You simply can’t elude me
Put me to the test
And you will find
Y...