{530}{627}{y:i}All in all, it had been a strange|few months for me and my friends. {629}{710}{y:i}My plan to raise our social standing|had been a qualified success. {712}{767}{y:i}To be honest, if anything,|we'd slipped down the social ladder. {769}{818}{y:i}Although I did now know|the worst way to impress a girl. {820}{857}Feisty one, you are. {859}{921}{y:i}Or kill a fish.|But the end was in sight. {923}{1023}{y:i}The end of term, the end of year,|and if I didn't pass my AS-levels, {1025}{1081}{y:i}the end of my life. But at least|Simon wasn't feeling the pressure. {1083}{1166}- Hi Simon.|- Huh? Oh, shit. {1168}{1192}Revising hard? {1194}{1285}- Oh. Yeah. Shit.|- Are you OK? {1287}{1372}Sorry, bit wet. Mum'll get it out,|though, not to worry. {1374}{1417}Sorry to disturb you,|I wanted to ask a favour. {1419}{1460}- Yes.|- You don't know what it is yet. {1462}{1489}Sorry. Go on. {1491}{1545}Can I come over to yours|and revise sociology with you? {1547}{1635}Yes. God, yes. Come over anytime.|Come over now. {1637}{1669}Well, I can't come over now. {1671}{1759}- No, course not.|- But this is really great of you. {1761}{1818}It's so hard to revise at the moment|because we've got the builders in. {1820}{1889}Oh, right, is that a euphemism? {1891}{1917}Sorry? {1919}{1970}You know, like having the painters in. {1973}{2032}Sorry, I don't really get it. {2035}{2096}Oh, don't worry.|It wasn't that funny. {2098}{2155}- What did you mean?|- Come on, Simon, what does it mean? {2158}{2308}OK, just..."having the painters in"|means being on your period, right? {2311}{2364}So when you said|you couldn't concentrate {2367}{2466}cos you had the builders in,|I thought that might be a euphemism {2469}{2520}for you being on your period. {2523}{2601}Right. OK, I see. {2603}{2636}Wasn't that funny, really. {2638}{2718}No, it's fine. I get it.|See you tonight, then? {2721}{2789}Cool. See you tonight. {2792}{2831}You're going to that freak's house? {2834}{2873}{y:i}So despite him behaving like a tool, {2876}{2921}{y:i}Carli was actually going round to Simon's {2923}{3005}{y:i}and even stranger things|were happening at Jay's. {3155}{3212}No, Jay. I'm not ready, sorry. {3215}{3319}No, I'm sorry.|I don't want to rush things either. {3322}{3370}- Really?|- Yeah, {3372}{3450}I'd hate for you to think|I'm only after you for sex. {3452}{3527}But just so you know, if you do|want to touch me downstairs, {3529}{3566}then I'm totally fine with that. {3568}{3610}I'm OK for now. {3660}{3700}I'd better go, though -|my mum's expecting me, {3702}{3745}and shouldn't you be revising? {3747}{3807}Maybe I should. {3809}{3887}But when you're near me, Chloe,|I can't think about anything else. {3889}{3932}You're so sweet. {3934}{3977}I'll walk you home. {3979}{4038}Unless you want to... {4040}{4090}Um, no, thanks. {4092}{4132}Yeah. No. Come on. {4134}{4203}{y:i}Unlike the others,|my revision strategy went beyond {4205}{4255}{y:i}trying to get into girls' knickers.|I was studying hard, {4257}{4347}{y:i}and by hard, I mean doing|literally anything to avoid revising. {4349}{4399}- No, Mum, I had a bath yesterday!|- All right? {4401}{4460}- Oh, it's you.|- Yeah. What is all this shit? {4462}{4532}It's not shit. The schedule alone|took me two days to make. {4534}{4568}Well, anyway, you'll never guess... {4570}{4597}- Don't sit down.|- What? {4599}{4640}Don't sit down. {4642}{4720}Look, I only came round|cos I've got the most amazing news. {4722}{4828}Carli asked me, she asked me,|if she can come round to my house {4830}{4881}to revise.|Amazing, yeah? {4883}{4923}Just have a look at this|for me, will you, Simon? {4925}{4981}- Sure, what is it?|- It's my revision schedule. {4983}{5015}What am I looking for? {5017}{5087}Does it say anywhere,|"Listen to Simon witter on {5089}{5131}"about his futile crush on Carli D'amato"? {5133}{5182}Don't be a dick. We're mates|and I wanted you to be the first... {5184}{5210}- Goodbye.|- I just wanted... {5212}{5242}Goodbye! {5265}{5289}Twat! {5358}{5400}Look Simon, I told... {5402}{5434}Neil? {5436}{5474}- All right?|- Did you just see Simon? {5476}{5547}Nah, your mum let me in.|She's looking hot, if I may say. {5549}{5600}- You may not.|- Oh, right. {5602}{5633}Anyway, I need help revising. {5635}{5686}- What subjects do you do?|- What, now? {5688}{5748}- Yes, now.|- Tech and design and PE. {5750}{5777}PE?! {5779}{5817}Yep. {5819}{5871}And that's an actual AS-level|at the school I now attend, is it? {5873}{5947}Oh, God, Neil! I don't know -|go for a run or something. {5949}{6016}Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought|of that. Nice one. {6018}{6058}{y:i}Neil jogged home.|And later that evening, {6060}{6130}{y:i}Simon had Carli where he'd always|wanted her. In his bedroom. {6132}{6189}{y:i}Unfortunately, she was fully clothed|and discussing sociology. {6191}{6265}And I suppose the big thing is that|Parsons' description of the family {6267}{6305}is one of the traditional|nuclear families, {6307}{6379}so that means that what he says|might not be relevant for everyone. {6381}{6427}Yeah. You could be stronger on that. {6429}{6491}It clearly doesn't mean that all|his work on the family is invalid, {6493}{6526}but it's a pretty important qualification. {6528}{6594}Right, course.|Do you wanna watch a DVD? {6596}{6663}Overall, was his theory|evolutionary or revolutionary? {6665}{6716}Um, revolutionary. {6718}{6765}Evolutionary. {6767}{6818}Shit, I knew that. {6820}{6873}Oh, Simon, I've just brought you|some biscuits. {6875}{6948}What do you think you're doing?|You know you're not allowed in here. {6950}{7013}All right, all right, I'm going.|Say hello to your mum for me, Carli. {7015}{7059}Go away! {7110}{7157}- God, she's a nightmare.|- My mum's the same. {7159}{7229}It's like when I split up with Tom,|she was like always, like, {7231}{7283}hanging around when I was on the phone|and stuff, trying to listen in. {7285}{7325}Right, yeah. {7408}{7486}Sorry, did you say|you'd split up with Tom? {7488}{7518}I thought everyone knew. {7521}{7591}Oh, yeah, course... they do. {7639}{7686}He's a stupid lanky twat, isn't he? {7688}{7760}I don't really want to talk about it. {7763}{7816}No, course. {7819}{7889}I might put some music on. {7923}{7982}Jay got me in to this. {8152}{8210}Simon, do you mind|if we do something different? {8213}{8269}Not at all, what were you thinking?|Maybe we could watch that DVD... {8272}{8352}I'm really shitting myself|about my last exam. {8355}{8416}I know you don't do geography, but would|you mind helping me out with it a bit? {8419}{8520}- I'm finding it really hard.|- Now? {8523}{8609}No, no problem at all. My pleasure. {8612}{8688}Thanks, so I thought|we'd do longshore drift first. {8691}{8745}Just... Just turn that off. {8748}{8814}{y:i}So, while Simon was cramming|for an exam he wasn't sitting, {8816}{8853}{y:i}Neil had his own learning difficulties. {8855}{8948}- How's your revision going?|- Terrible. I think I pulled a hamstring. {8960}{9014}All right, benders?|You miss me, then? {9016}{9058}- Jay! All right, mate.|- Where have you been? {9060}{9090}I've been busy. {9092}{9144}- Doing what?|- I've met a girl. {9146}{9217}Oh, yeah? What's this one,|a Russian lap dancer? {9219}{9290}No. Her name's Chloe|and she goes to Saint Claire's. {9292}{9344}We met at the bus stop,|just got chatting. {9346}{9394}Did you fuck her behind|the bus shelter, then? {9396}{9439}- No, Neil.|- Fingers? {9441}{9483}- No.|- Let's see a picture, then. {9485}{9526}Yeah, of her strumming herself. {9528}{9579}Neil, can you stop talking like that? {9581}{9605}Why? {9607}{9712}I've never felt like this about|a bird before. Chloe's special. {9714}{9768}What, more special than|them twins that only wanted anal? {9770}{9870}What? Them? Nah, yeah, nah, this|is different, that was purely sexual. {9872}{9929}Chloe's a real lady. {9931}{9986}If she's real, you should have a photo. {9988}{10021}There you go. {10023}{10061}Hot stuff. {10063}{10111}Oh, she seems nice, mate. {10113}{10154}Yeah, she's good. {10156}{10203}You've nicked that photo off|some random girl's Facebook site. {10205}{10240}I thought you were revising. {10242}{10319}It's almost impossible with the amount|of noise you idiots are making. {10321}{10429}Look. Here we are together.|I've got loads. {10431}{10478}Hmm. Doesn't prove anything. {10480}{10556}- And do you love her, then?|- Fuck off. {10558}{10633}- No denial, you fucking love her.|- Shut up. {10635}{10690}I thought I recognised her.|She pulled David Glover, didn't she? {10692}{10739}Don't be a tit, Neil, course she hasn't. {10741}{10799}- I think she has.|- Look, one, she's not like that, {10801}{10869}and two, she doesn't know|anyone from our school. {10871}{10914}- I'll ask. Oi, David!|- What? {10916}{10976}Neil, don't. Seriously, don't.|Please don't. {10978}{11035}Oh, nothing. {11037}{11073}Twat. {11075}{11150}Honestly, Neil, she doesn't know|anyone from our school. {11152}{11179}Ask her yourself. {11181}{11275}We're going down the Fox and Hounds|after the last exam on Friday. Come along. {11277}{11303}And what, not get served? {11305}{11399}Nah, Chloe reckons|she gets served there all the time. {11401}{11438}- Oh, and wear your wellies, Neil.|- Why's that? {11440}{11519}Cos you'll be knee deep|in grammar school clunge. {11521}{11573}{y:i}So, somehow, Jay had|an actual non-fictional girlfriend. {11575}{11671}{y:i}But I wouldn't let it distract me|from my new revision strategy. {11673}{11765}{y:i}Staring at books|and praying something went in. {11790}{11816}Hello. {11818}{11865}Hello. {11908}{12025}Sorry about the other night, it's just|politics is really important to me {12027}{12087}and it's my last exam.|I di...
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