Anal Sex Techniques and Secrets by KAZ Table of Contents: * First, as always, a few basics. * Basics * Analingus * Finger Stimulation * If your lover is male: * If your lover is a woman: * Actual Anal Sex Having written the Advanced Cunnilingus Techniques page, and then the Advanced Fellatio Techniques page in response to reader demands, it seems that the next most common question I get is about various forms of anal sex (analingus, actual anal penetration with the penis or fingers). So, in keeping with my tendency to have an opinion on everything and be willing to let everyone know what it is, I have written this page on the subject. Anal activities in sex are less talked about, and make many people feel more than a little uncomfortable. This is mainly because of the taboos about the butt, of course, and not because there's anything wrong with it, per se. In fact, there is a unique form of pleasure to be gotten from anal stimulation, for a guy or girl. For men this is because of the prostate, which is an important sexual organ and can only be directly stimulated through anal contact, and on women it is because the rectum (sorry if you're not looking for technical terms, but I need to be specific) shares a wall with the vagina, and the sexual nerves are actually closer on that side, making the sensation different and sometimes actually stronger. Anal sex is not always the #1 favorite, but it is certainly high on the list for many people, and can be a fun change of pace for almost anyone who isn't bothered too much by the taboos against it. First, as always, a few basics. Be Sensitive -- I mean this in several different ways. First, it may be a difficult subject to bring up, if you and your lover haven't already discussed it. It's that taboo thing, again. There is a reasonable chance that they have already thought of it, and were afraid to bring it up themselves, but there's also a chance the idea would horrify them. Hopefully your relationship already involves open, relaxed, and frank discussion about sex, or else you probably should work on that long before you worry about testing the waters on this subject. Second, the anus really isn't meant to be entered. Don't get me wrong; humans aren't really meant to fly, either...I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying you have to bear these little facts in mind. One should be very gentle when experimenting with these things. An important example is never...ever try it on your lover for the first time without them expecting it, especially if we're talking about penetration with a penis or similarly large object. Trust me on this, please. If you've ever had a really big, hard BM (Bowel Movement), that was really painful, that's nothing compared to being caught off-guard by this. Not only are there better ways to go about it, but you may never get the chance to try again, if they're upset enough. That's doom and gloomy enough, I think, now as for some more useful info. Basics Positions: For most anal sex, there are a few positions which make it easier to access the butt. These generally apply to analingus, actual anal sex, or even using fingers...though with fingers almost any sexual position might work, if both parties enjoy it. The most basic is for your lover to be on their back, legs spread and/or knees pulled up. Put a pillow or two under their butt...this is a big help that's easily overlooked. In one way this is the most awkward of the positions, but it can be the easiest for your lover. Another is for your lover to be on elbows and knees, as for doggie style sex. This is easier for access, but it also tends to require your lover to tighten their butt muscles a bit. This may work better if your lover has some support under their chest/belly to lean on, so they can relax more, and possibly even so they can lean forward a little, extending their legs out and to the side behind them, which might put things at an easier angle for access. A third position is for them to be on their side. Their legs need to be in a scissors position, perhaps the upper one extended in front of them and the other straight "down" (as if they were standing), else the upper leg drawn up toward the chest or straight upward (bent, either way), and the lower leg in whatever position is comfortable. Cleanliness: As always, this matters more to some people than others, but in this case it's a more popular issue than with just about any other kind of sex, for obvious reasons. First, having bathed more recently than the last BM is a good idea. It's a good idea to have a bowel movement an hour or so before, to ensure that nothing is encountered during any penetration (unless you're into that, I suppose), and then bathe the area. Other than basic cleaning like that, oil-based lubricants are a great insulator for anal contact. They tend to cover up any potential (or simply feared) smell and transfer of icky stuff. If you use Vaseline/petrolatum, for example, the odds are that a simple wiping off with a dry cloth will result in finger/penis/whatever seeming to be just about perfectly clean. Again, this may not matter to some people, but it's worth mention because it is crucial to others. To some people, enemas may seem like overkill, or even to be grosser than not having one before anal sex anyway. But they certainly do bear mention, in case this sounds like a good idea to you (feeling comfortable with things like cleanliness are potentially very important). This is especially worth considering in actual penis penetration, since one gets a lot deeper than even the most diligent bathing process is going to be able to clean. But it is still not a really common practice, even for actual penetration. Of course a few people even find enemas to be sexually exciting themselves. Lubrication With anal sex of any kind, lubrication is worth seriously considering. And oil-based lubricants tend to work better, because of the greater pressure/texture involved. Drying out like water-based lubricants do is a more serious problem than with other kinds of sex. Bear in mind, of course, that oil-based lubricants are a threat to a latex condom, which will be damaged by it. That aside, Vaseline is the best, in the case of anal sex, because it will stay in place and lubricate much more determinedly than thinner lubricants, and yet not provide its own resistance like thicker ones will. Cocoa butter would be my #2 suggestion. Some kinds of massage oil can work well. Baby oil and other similarly thin substances are way down on the list, as the lubrication they provide is rather weak/watery, for oils. That's all for the basics...except that I will address the whole thing from the ground up, dedicating much more time to "how to get started" in this article than in the cunnilingus and fellatio articles. The reasons for this include the fact that this can be far more painful if done wrong, the fact that it's more taboo and thus worrisome to some people, and the fact that it's rarer...even thinking in detail about it is rarer...and thus more people are more likely to need to go over the basics. Oh, and the basics can be much more complicated, too. A penis in a mouth or a licking of a clitoris is a lot easier to get started in an "acceptable" way than a painless penetration of an anus. Analingus We'll start with this, because it's pretty simple. No worry about accidentally hurting anyone. Work your way up to it -- as with any sex, it is often best to start out gradually, even away from erogenous zones completely. Remember how you used to fool around for hours before sex? It was pretty exciting, wasn't it. Anyway, even after you've gotten to the erogenous zones, you might consider performing cunnilingus/fellatio on them first. Simply work your way downward from there toward their anus, gradually. No matter what position you're using, your hands, or your partner's will probably be necessary to make access easier. You have far more control and better contact if their butt-cheeks (is there a technical name for that?) are spread away from their actual anus. What exactly to do, tongue-at-anus, varies a lot from person to person. Some prefer a light flicking, gently licking around the center, or gently pushing at it. Some prefer a deeper probing, with your tongue held rigid and pushed firmly inside. Another method is to widen your tongue to apply pressure over the entire outside area...this is often much more stimulating than you'd imagine. Another good idea is to try firmly licking, or even sucking on, the perineum (the area between the anus and genitals. On a guy this is especially useful, because it indirectly stimulates both their balls and prostate. The best method would be to combine all of these, and pay close attention to what your lover enjoys most. As in all sex, you would get them to believe in giving you a lot of feedback/signals, whether moaning, thrashing about, talking...whatever they are most comfortable with. They should increase or decrease this with their pleasure, so that you can learn what they like (it is different from person to person, this may be the most important secret of sex). If you're going to engage in this for a long time, especially if you won't be switching back and forth between analingus and fellatio/cunnilingus for texture, you probably will want to provide some stimulation to their genitals, as analingus is a pretty mild form of contact that probably won't bring them to orgasm, or even keep them heavily stimulated, all by itself. The Cunnilingus and Fellatio pages on this site have some advice on hand-stimulation, which is often a vital part of oral sex. Of course using your hands for their genitals will leave you short-handed for keeping their cheeks spread, so this is where recruiting them to do either the spreading or the stimulation is pretty useful. The range of things one can do with analingus is a bit more limited than with ...
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