Jealousy.pdf

Jealousy

goldenmeadow

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5632804/1/Jealousy

One boy. One vampire. One girl. Awkward. Learning. Leaning. Loving. A blossoming. A

bartering. A trade-off. 'Are we really allowed this' A new dimension. A love fought for.

M. AU. Edward & Bella.

An outcast, a loner. I was sixteen years old with no friends to speak of. An invisible boy.

The privileged son of the do-gooder Masen forbears who had governed the populace

since Forks founding with our charitable trusts and our philanthropic works.

I scorned the banality of high school happenings, preferring to bury my head in books

of history, philosophy, architectureڣbasically anything that would lift me out of this

suffocating, sucking, claustrophobic existence.

The very idea of parties with the jocks, the hicks, the druggies, the in-crowd, made me

sneer. I favored my piano to my peers, my music and my solitude to the peasantry.

Quite simply, I was a freak.

My appearance didn't help. Wan with a bronze head of devilishly untamed hair, tall,

lanky, with green eyes piercing and only a bit muted behind glasses, there was no

mistaking me.

Though I ignored them, I still heard the silly giggles of juvenile girls mooning over my

supposed broody good looks, and alternately questioning my sexuality when I turned a

baleful, glowering eye to them.

It went without saying that I'd be matriculating from my father's alma mater,

Dartmouth, and I couldn't fucking wait to get out of the dead-end hell hole of Forks.

A scant change, the moving in of a large family, took my insular world and turned it ass

over tits. They were weirder than me!

If I fit about as well as a square peg in a round hole, this odd unit of Cullen-Hales was

the stuff small town nightmares were made of.

Glomming onto them when they enrolled during my junior year, a misfit human boy

seeking camaraderie amongst a coven of vampires who were masquerading astypical

teens , I approached the four new students.

They didn't shun me.

I probably should have been thankful, in retrospect, that they didn't hunt me either.

There was Alice. The younger sister none of us ever had. Except, of course, she was far

fucking older than I, I learned eventually. Sprightly, tiny, strong as houses and giddy

near all the time, Alice filled the world with laughter with each traipsing step.

Emmett wasڣ Emmett ? Possibly everything I had ever hated about every single varsity

athlete I'd come across. Supernaturally strong, steadfastly funny and jovial, he just

didn't care. All the world was a stage, and he was but a giant jester!

Rosalie was stunning. Absolutely hard and glassy and glorious in her vampire-made

body, sharp of tongue, knifelike of teeth, she killed with pure driven hunger.

Protective, a keeper, she was a hard-boiled mother hen and Esme's second-in-

command.

Esme, Esme . So golden of heart. So filled with love she eclipsed the atmosphere with a

durable hug, sometimes a bit too hard to my flesh made delicate in their embraces.

Esme created this family and made their manse a secure home.

Carlisle was their father. A learned man, graceful and elegant with a small side smile

hinting at the tease of humor he mostly contained inside, he governed through mighty

and impressive deeds with soft gentle words. Walking tall. A tender-hearted sire to his

children.

It was Jasper who called to me most. A fallen angel, he was cherubic and cherished and

shorn and shunned. Through hours in his presence, I learned of his past, a detestable

history spilling with killing and maiming that seemed so conflicting with his placid

nature.

And yet, occasionally, he was rough, riled, at odds with what he'd become. Only a few

times in my life was I astounded by the violence that volleyed just beneath the still-lake

surface of his hard-won passivity. A hunter of animals instead of people. Most troubled

of them all, Jasper and I understood each other.

I didn't know immediately what they were, though they never really hid their true

nature from me.

It was the natural order of things, a very weirdly easy circumstance that found me

walking down the long light-bearing oak alley to their house, sidetracked by a rare

birdsong into the forest . I came across Jasper tearing into a young fawn, plundering

claret blood like a man feasting at a trestle table in days of old. Catching sight of me,

the blond man growled.

I stepped back, my hands raised.

Eyes turning from obsidian and beastly to amber and still not one bit human, Jasper

wiped his mouth on his sleeve and grinned like a friend, not a fiend, "Well, Edward, I

guess the cat's out of the bag now."

How could the good -- I scoffed -- people of Forks not see these teens never changed? A

group of adolescents who should be growing at a rapid rate looked the same day in and

day out for months, a year, and then two years, and no one even batted an eyelash?

I was gladdened by the blind ignorance of the catatonic citizens of the village, for it

meant the Cullen-Hales could stay put. With me.

Thus it was that my best friend, my first friend, was a young vampire whose self-

loathing I rebuffed by joking with him. Lord knew I'd wanted to kill a fair few people in

my own day! I just didn't have the paranormal equipment to do so.

I taught Jasper to lighten up, he allowed me to become his brother.

Those were halcyon days. I knew the love of a family of oddballs such as myself, and

they expected nothing more than I gave freely.

~~ll~~

February of their first year was surreal.

Another new transplant started at Forks High, and this one was entirely human,

completely a girl.

Her initial day made child's play of all Jasper's semi-dormant savage instincts!

In the parking lot, halfway through third period, he raged up and down, spitting,

hissing, cursing, taking three steps toward Mr. Banner's Biology class and two steps in

retreat to his car.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I grabbed his elbows and he thrust me off with little

more than a shiver.

His eyes were a hooded boiling red-black volcano, " Bella Swan. "

"Chill the fuck out, man! She's just a girl!" I stood in front of him, his nostrils steaming

like a bull to a matador.

"No, Edward, you don't understand. She's my cantante , my singer! FUCK! Her blood is

made for me! I will never know the taste of one such as her again!" Jasper crouched

low to a pounce and strafed from side to side in quick fury, pounding the tarmac.

I was fast, but his was the speed of demons.

With a growl from the beastly depths of his stomach, I saw Jasper as never before. A

primal killing machine bred for the sole purpose of slaughter.

The mutilated carnage of this Bella Swan would be his end.

I bellowed before he reached the double cafeteria doors, "JASPER! STOP! If you kill

her, you will die. You will kill your entire family! Fucking STOP! "

With a hand fisting around the chain enclosing the metal doors, he shuddered.

I didn't care about her, I cared about him.

Jasper was my brother.

Approaching the wild animal, I whispered and stretched one hand out to his heaving

shoulder, "Stop, brother. You're stronger than this."

Tugging the padlock apart, Jasper stood to his full height and walked almost sedately

through the emptied cafeteria.

He was no longer breathing.

At his heels, I moved along.

I wouldn't be able to stop him.

I didn't need to.

Insanely, inexorably, his fueled need to imbibe her blood turned, on a dime, to the

calamitous want for her heart. An organ that continued beating.

The Cullen clan opened their arms to her. There was enough love to go around, but I

was miserly. They nurtured her just as they'd coddled me, and I didn't want to share.

Happening, unhappily, upon her and Jasper locked against each other, heatedly

writhing, I gasped and stumbled away.

I didn't even try to understand the virulent upheaval that knotted my guts seeing them

together, but I let it out on Jasper when he caught up with me, "Jesus Christ! I thought

you wanted to kill her!"

He tore his hands through his gilded curls and spat to the ground, "Fuck, Edward!

Would you rather me murder an innocent than try to love her?"

I shook my head, I nodded my chin; I was all over the place.

"You don't understand, Edward. This," Jasper waved his arm about indicating

something larger than what I could grasp, "Is something I just can't explain." His

bleary blackened eyed worried me.

In pacing toward me, I saw the war of his haggard skin under the inflexible velvetiness

of craving, "I can either spill her blood, or fill her with my loveڣthere are only the two

extremes to this thing, Edward," Jasper clasped my shoulder and we trudged back

down the forest footpath to the house, where she was waiting. I realized life as I'd

known it was over.

Isabella Swan.

I hated her as I'd never hated anyone before. With the full twist of viscera, with the

desire to hiss and spit and kick her. They were my people! My family! What right did

she have to purloin Jasper, my brother, my best friend, my mashed up kin?

The Cullen-Hales, Carlisle and Esme included, thought it quite amusing the two

mortals among them couldn't stand to be in the same room together.

Unsure if Isabella's disgust with me was genuine or simply a reaction to the vile

manner in which I treated her, I gave her wide berth.

I suspected Jasper of foul play, using his emotional empathetic abilities to manipulate

her affections, but who was I to blame him? I'd have done the same thing in his shoes,

had I found this interloper Isabelle Swan one bit attractive.

With the perception I was cursed with, I knew the morning after they'd had sex the

first time. Isabella positively glowed with the sensual energy of a woman whose

sexuality had been tapped.

For the first time I saw her as beautiful.

Though I continued to goad her publicly by mockingly calling her Isabella , when I

thought of her, with worrying escalating frequency, I referred to her as Bella.

Beautiful.

It felt like I despised Jasper.

Cursed, plagued, crushed, confused, I couldn't look at her, and I no longer felt quiet

simple camaraderie in Jasper's regard.

Her continued presence was pushing Jasper away from me.

Even with disgraceful intent, I couldn't deny her promising charisma.

In light of this, I tried to make it right, to at least befriend Bella Swan.

That was my downfall.

~~ll~~

Finally, we graduated.

With scholarships and my diploma in hand, I was anxious and optimistic. A new life

awaited me.

Learning the coven was moving on as well, to Dartmouth as had been planned long

ago, I was at once horrified, heartened, heady and spiteful.

My feelings were unwieldy.

Fraught with delight to keep them with me, in all our filial companionship, I was

equally daunted by the thought of Bella being so near, still.

She attended Wellesley.

I saw her often.

There was no easement from the push-pull.

Jasper was ever at my side or hers.

The affliction, the disquiet grew. I refused to give it name.

My devotion to my best friend and my burgeoning feeling for his mate -- a woman so

obviously created, born, bred to be his lover and lifelong, perhaps even everlasting

wife ڑ shrouded me in the garb of devils.

Three years in, Jasper and Bella didn't marry. In lieu they held a small promising

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